As each year comes to an end, I am often amazed about how much change I experience. The degree to how much change occurred this year was even bigger than usual. In 2018, my vision of how I wanted to live my life and how I see myself to be has changed drastically.
I tried to describe this change to people that I meet. This experience left me feeling dissatisfied because I had lacked the language to deliver what I wanted to convey. I wished that those important to me understood, as this would improve their ability to work with me and help me.
Over the last several years, I have come to understand that I am most joyful when I am practicing yoga. I am constantly motivated to expand my yoga practice. As a result, the vocation which I want to pursue in my remaining time in this life is to attempt to reach mastery in the practice of yoga. While I am still a journeyman, I will continue to hone this trade. I wish to practice diligently so that one day I could reach a level of mastery and help others find their practice. I believe yoga and meditation will make me a better person. I think it will allow me to experience more compassion, love and gratitude.
I wish to direct my time autonomously. I imagine days filled with engaged breakfast table, practicing and teaching yoga, reading and writing books, carefully decluttering, spending time in nature, and spending more time with my children. Of course, in between these desired activities I would need to answer to situations.
Slowing down is a big part of this. I want to find simplicity in my life, engaged in 5 or 6 things rather than a hundred or a thousand. Practicing to say no to keep my life simple is valuable even if difficult.
Once I found clarity in where I wanted to take my life, this question immediately followed.
How will you support yourself?
It was a challenge for two reasons.
1. I was already accustomed to a lifestyle set based on my family’s current income level. Teaching yoga full time will not allow me to acquire same level of income. Likely less than half of current income.
But more importantly,
2. I valued wealth accumulation. I strategized to earn and save money. I bought a house. I have investments. Not so small part of my identity were derived from my net worth. Primarily because it is a metric that our modern society commonly accepts as someone’s objective level of success.
This for a long time was the puzzle that I could not figure out. Over time I reached formulating a solution composed of three parts.
1. Supplement income by operating rental houses. Find and acquire multiple properties which can provide subsidy to cover my family’s living expenses.
2. Reduce spending significantly so that lower income can support lifestyle. I would live in a rural area where housing is cheap. I would give up things that are luxury including travels which are expensive. Rather I would take economical road trips and camping trips in summer months.
3. Try hard to abandon measuring my own success by any monetary metrics like income or net worth. But evaluate by degree of my engagement in life. Place value in searching and being who I truly am. Do not believe the tempting narrative which says money is who I am or what I am worth.
I am working towards each of above to maximize the chances of realizing my vision. I trust myself enough to know that this is achievable.
Setting above in motion, one milestone which I look forward to is closing the chapter of my life marked by my current career by the age of 40. This should give me ample time to bring closure and allow enough preparation to take place for transition.
I want to clarify that I am currently engaged with my job and have interest in the problem that I am solving for. I also feel equipped to succeed. In my current job arrangement, I value that I have autonomy, intellectual stimulation, and opportunity to work with talented people who are also great human beings.
However, this plan implies re-establishing my attitude towards work. I will no longer strive to expand mandate, get to the next promotion, and negotiate to increase my pay. Observing this part is still quite hard for me, because it involves updating programming that had been running for my entire adult life. I redirect my focus on helping to achieve my work’s mission, while keeping boundaries clear.
My parents are anxious about these choices. Some friends are genuinely concerned. I am sincere in my appreciation for these thoughts. I feel anxious knowing that I am making a bold declaration at the risk of failing. But courage for me is choosing a path that resonates with who I am.
I want to dare greatly to go on a journey to express my authentic self.
